Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Tales of Horror (Scary Spiders)

Here was my writing exercise for the day, left as a comment to this post over at the Deblog.

Scariest spider I've ever encountered...

3 years ago I moved into an old-ish house in New Jersey. The basement was pretty wide open, but had plenty of scary parts (not to compare with my current terrifying basement, which I only visit when the need is positively critical -- I think there are more spiders in there than in Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets)... okay back to my story...

I was doing laundry one day (current house has washer and dryer upstairs, thank god) and on my way back to the stairs, I saw a large black spider out of the corner of my eye. It was sitting halfway up the wall, and it was SO LARGE that my first thought was, who left that silly Halloween decoration down here? Seriously, it was at least 1 1/2 inches across the BODY ALONE. Plus big legs. Oh my god this was the biggest spider ever.

So I went upstairs and got my can of Raid. I never let my Raid supply run out -- it is more important to me than food or toilet paper. Back downstairs to face down Mega-spider. By now, the spider seemed to have doubled in size.

Deciding I needed a good strategy against a beast of this size, I first sprayed the Raid on the floor beneath the wall where the spider sat. I created a poison puddle about 18 inches wide and 9 inches out from the wall. Then, from a distance of about 8 feet away, I started spraying up the wall....

When I hit the spider with the Raid, the spider immediately dropped into the poison puddle. UNDAUNTED, the spider looked me in the eye and began walking out of the puddle towards me ("Ha! I spit at your puny poison, human!"). The distance between us got a lot smaller pretty quickly, and I backed up, and kept spraying and spraying the spider.

The fumes were overwhelming. I was seriously imagining myself fainting from the poison spray, and all I could think was that that THING would surely get me then.

At long last, the power of the spray pushed the spider in the other direction, and I continued to use the liquid to push the spider against another wall. I kept spraying until the spider drowned -- I don't think the poison touched him. (Okay, I know the poison finally got him, but it took half a can of Raid to do it!)

I called Orkin the next day, and have never been without an exterminator since.


Okay, I tried to add a picture that closely resembles the actual spider I jousted with. Ew! Ew! Just finding that picture has me checking the corners of my room. And that's the nice picture. There are other pictures of the same type of spider that are much much scarier. I won't post any picture or tell you what type of spider, because if you see the pictures, you'll have nightmares. The same nightmares I'm now looking forward to tonight.

1 comment:

featherbee said...

"I created a poison puddle..."

"UNDAUNTED, the spider looked me in the eye and began walking out of the puddle towards me ("Ha! I spit at your puny poison, human!")"

"seriously imagining myself fainting from the poison spray, and all I could think was that that THING would surely get me then."

These had me giggling like crazy! I can just imagine it! Thanks for the nice bedtime story.....